My phone and social media suck me in every time. I have taken intentional breaks from socials and NEVER have I regretted it, but once I go back, it’s like I forget the amazing things I did with the time I gained by avoiding socials. Ahhh, we are works in progress, no?
One thing that has helped me to figure out ecosystems where the goals are vastly different. For example, my friend group is immediately active and when I am around them, I get better in making plans for Hikes and Marathons, thus forcing activity in my lifestyle. But then, I make it a point to visit and spend time with people coming to the local monastery/temple, where people have an endearing empathy and with whom I feel discussing deep spiritual matters and psychology. Similarly, my work friends - maybe not too much depth of connection with them, but we are generally in good terms and through them I get to learn so many new things which my local friend group would never have an angle towards.
So I play the game of balancing out ecosystems that I am a part of and slowly I see a layered and healthy personality emerging out of myself.
Thanks Graeme you are showing us a tough but well thought out path to our authentic selves.
It's so worth it to take this path. I also sometimes slip backwards towards the lure of my phone. I tell myself - "i need my phone because I can't be at my computer all day."
This is true - but I don't need to doom scroll! I am a work in progress 😂
Slipping into your phone in a fully-aware moment of weakness out of line with what you want is very different to slipping into it out of aimless subconscious despair.
Love your honesty here as always Graeme and very handy tips. I ask this of myself and my clients - what are the benefits of this behaviour? As you mentioned there is an upside to it even if you are unaware.
People also don't realise that our reward circuits consist of wanting and liking. These aren't the same in the brain - we're aware of the wanting and think we should like it because we wanted it.
Anyone with addiction knows that's not the case. We can hate or dislike want we want and crave.
Creating structure and new routines help reconstruct a healthier process and lifestyle like you've suggested.
Add or remove friction and get honest about what you're doing the action for. Thanks!
I was remiss not to mention that it's not always the right time for change. Forcing yourself into a new structure or routine before you're internally ready to do so can be harmful and may end up reinforcing the comfort of the negative behavior when you try to quit it and fail.
My phone and social media suck me in every time. I have taken intentional breaks from socials and NEVER have I regretted it, but once I go back, it’s like I forget the amazing things I did with the time I gained by avoiding socials. Ahhh, we are works in progress, no?
I will always be a work in progress. Happy to have folks like you to collude with on the journey!
Love this post Graeme, I always say - it’s simple, but not easy :)
Indeed. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy, alas. I keep hoping for silver bullets in life but they never appear.
One thing that has helped me to figure out ecosystems where the goals are vastly different. For example, my friend group is immediately active and when I am around them, I get better in making plans for Hikes and Marathons, thus forcing activity in my lifestyle. But then, I make it a point to visit and spend time with people coming to the local monastery/temple, where people have an endearing empathy and with whom I feel discussing deep spiritual matters and psychology. Similarly, my work friends - maybe not too much depth of connection with them, but we are generally in good terms and through them I get to learn so many new things which my local friend group would never have an angle towards.
So I play the game of balancing out ecosystems that I am a part of and slowly I see a layered and healthy personality emerging out of myself.
This sounds like an expression of 'you become an average of the 5 people you spend the most time with' that works really well for you.
These crews that you roll with that lift you are like a human version of only having healthy snacks, right? :)
Thanks Graeme you are showing us a tough but well thought out path to our authentic selves.
It's so worth it to take this path. I also sometimes slip backwards towards the lure of my phone. I tell myself - "i need my phone because I can't be at my computer all day."
This is true - but I don't need to doom scroll! I am a work in progress 😂
Success isn’t a destination, it’s a journey. :)
Slipping into your phone in a fully-aware moment of weakness out of line with what you want is very different to slipping into it out of aimless subconscious despair.
True - thanks Graeme :-)
Love your honesty here as always Graeme and very handy tips. I ask this of myself and my clients - what are the benefits of this behaviour? As you mentioned there is an upside to it even if you are unaware.
People also don't realise that our reward circuits consist of wanting and liking. These aren't the same in the brain - we're aware of the wanting and think we should like it because we wanted it.
Anyone with addiction knows that's not the case. We can hate or dislike want we want and crave.
Creating structure and new routines help reconstruct a healthier process and lifestyle like you've suggested.
Add or remove friction and get honest about what you're doing the action for. Thanks!
I was remiss not to mention that it's not always the right time for change. Forcing yourself into a new structure or routine before you're internally ready to do so can be harmful and may end up reinforcing the comfort of the negative behavior when you try to quit it and fail.
Self-awareness is a critical map to the journey.
Good point Graeme. Always comes back to self-awareness doesn't it. Exploring what's going on and when we're ready enough to change.
The "social media feed being a mirror" concept really hit home. Great writing Graeme.