You Can't Quit Because You Don't Want To

Why society's honey traps are so alluring (and the secret to escaping them)

Have you ever tried to quit something, returned to its comfort, and wondered why you’re still unhappy?

You’d think the human race would be at its peak in today’s world, filled with never-ending stimulation. Yet, we’re sadder than ever, and much of your energy pours into bottomless pits of increasingly well-designed ways to blank out the reality of your existence.

In the last five years, I’ve broken out of some of the most addictive cycles out there and am the happiest I’ve ever been.

Want to know why they are so hard to escape and the fail-safe formula I used to smash my way out of them? Read on.

Addiction is masquerading as everyday life.

The most widespread addictive and destructive activities hide in plain sight. That’s what makes them so dangerous.

They help you forget your problems and feelings while reinforcing and normalizing the cycle. Everyone’s doing it, so it must be OK, right?

These are some of the worst offenders:

Mobile phones: The constant notifications and endless content create a dopamine loop, making it hard to disconnect. This leads to overstimulation and a reduced ability to focus on meaningful, real-world interactions.

Alcohol: By artificially stimulating dopamine release, alcohol creates a temporary sense of euphoria that can only be maintained by drinking more alcohol. Over time, it numbs the brain’s natural reward system, fostering dependence and emotional instability.

Video games: Their achievement-based structure hooks the brain into a cycle of instant gratification, providing a sense of accomplishment that can distract from real-world goals and lead to a skewed sense of progress.

Junk food: High in sugar and fat, junk food triggers powerful dopamine surges at affordable prices, which override the body's natural hunger signals, causing overeating and long-term health problems while never truly satisfying emotional hunger.

News: Negative and sensational news stories are designed to hijack our attention, creating a cycle of fear and anxiety that leaves us addicted to checking updates, even when it undermines our peace of mind.

Social media: Designed to deliver a stream of quick dopamine hits through likes, comments, and endless scrolling, social media fosters a craving for validation and comparison, leading to decreased self-worth and a distorted sense of reality.

Social media is the poisonous cherry on top of the nasty cake of these addictions.

As one of my favorite writers said this week:

“Social media seems to show you the world, but really just shows you your revealed preferences; the people you follow, the topics you engage with. It’s a mirror disguised as a window. So if you dislike the reflection, don’t blame the glass — change the person who’s gazing into it.”

Gurwinder Bhogal

Unless you curate your feed very specifically, social media in all its forms is an echo chamber of your choices and opinions.

If you’re making bad choices, it will reinforce them as reasonable. If you have a subjective, one-eyed opinion on something, it will tell you it’s right.

Worst of all, if you’re addicted to anything harmful, it will convince you that everyone else is doing it or that it’s not your fault.

So, you take no ownership or action.

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Giving up is hard to do.

The reason you’re not quitting something is simple - it’s because you don’t want to.

You might not consciously realize what’s out of whack because you’re looking for excuses externally. Plenty are available, especially in your social media echo chamber. Almost always, you are the problem.

You *think* you want to quit, but deep down, you don’t want to. Maybe the allure of the cheap or free dopamine hits is too appealing. Maybe there’s a feeling, emotion, or memory you’re not ready to deal with; being comfortably numb is your preferred state.

It's all perfectly understandable. But what if you are done with feeling trapped and want more for yourself?

Here’s how I approached each of the horsemen of normalized addiction:

Mobile phones: My phone never comes into my bedroom. Text messages and phone calls are the only notifications I have turned on. I have timers to set it to grayscale mode for chunks of the day. I looked up and saw the world around me lost in its devices. And I don’t want to spend my day lost in my mobile phone at the expense of deep human connection.

Alcohol: I spent many hours educating myself on the science of alcohol and its impacts on the body and mind. I objectively examined all the highs and lows from my decades of drinking and why I chose to do it. I listened to the sober community's experiences, regrets, and celebrations. And I don’t want to drink.

Video Games: Freeing myself here was more of an indirect byproduct of finding more worthwhile things to focus on. I was simply left without the time to devote to them. With some hard self-examination, I realized outside the scene that I preferred other activities, and now I don’t want to spend hours of my day playing video games.

Junk Food: I stopped ordering from DoorDash and Uber Eats. When grocery shopping, I leave the chips and cookies on the shelf and get healthy snacks instead. Most importantly, I changed my outlook on my health, and I don’t want to eat junk food anymore.

News: I deleted the news apps from my phone and most news sources from my social media. I sought objective sources from multiple angles and saw the deliberate and deceitful tactics that news outlets use to stir up anxiety or reinforce false truths. Now, I don’t want to consume mainstream news anymore.

Social Media: I cleaned out my feeds and made sure what I had left was a good balance of connection, positivity and challenge to my thinking. I try to be deliberate in my engagement and I installed tight daily app limits as safety nets when I fail. I recognized how harmful my use of social had been. And I don’t want to spend hours on social media every day.

I think you get the point.

Remember, true authenticity is the perfect alignment of your thoughts, intentions, and actions. When this triad is not aligned, something always feels ‘off’ inside you.

Taking accountability is too hard to face, so you live with that discomfort for so long that it feels normal, and your new baseline state is ‘uncomfortable.’

Then, you seek things to numb this now-subconscious discomfort, and, as mentioned above, plenty of options are available.

The cycle will continue until you (and only you) break it.

You’re not a bad person.

I can’t sit here, on the other side of five years of hard work, and pretend like it’s been easy. I spent decades in each of these traps.

Wanting to feel good is a natural human desire. Finding the quickest and most efficient route to it is incredibly appealing.

These addiction traps were set up by some of the brightest minds that have ever lived, with knowledge of human psychology at its most advanced. Falling into them doesn’t make you a bad person. Your self-worth will be more critical than ever if you’re going to spring out of them.

Changing the core of who you are and how you want to be requires lengthy self-reflection and a commitment to extreme accountability for your outcomes. Some of the reasons you choose to numb may be rooted in your past or linked to things outside your control—digging to understand yourself at that level is deeply uncomfortable.

The feelings you’ll have to sit with will shake you; you’ll feel negativity and shame that will make the siren song of numbing sound sweeter than ever.

Just one more hit.

Or is it time to reclaim power over your own destiny?

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Making it happen.

It may seem impossible, but remember that perfection isn’t the target. I don’t claim to deserve sainthood or perfection myself:

• I have run for the comfort of my phone more than a few times while writing this piece.

• I occasionally give in to my urges for a quarter-pounder with cheese and am a devouring devil when left with unfettered access to sour cream and onion chips at a party.

• Those daft new games on LinkedIn suck me in for 5 minutes every day.

• I can’t resist clicking on whatever ridiculous thing JD Vance has said now.

• I still disappear down Facebook rabbit holes of random UFC highlights and silly dad jokes.

Yet, now those things cause me conscious discomfort because they’re not aligned with the authentic version of myself I want to be, and I hold myself accountable for taking actions out of line with that.

Actions are a lot easier to correct than thoughts or intentions.

The road of self-development is a tough one, but if it’s one you need to walk, then your choices are clear:

• Take those difficult first steps and commit to being accountable for your choices and outcomes.

• Sink back into the haze of distraction, choose ignorance as bliss, and numb away the rest of your life.

What option does your authentic self want to choose?