How To Embrace Change Without Losing Your Identity In The Transition
The new version of you is an upgrade, not a replacement.
A year from now you'll be a different person.
The winds of change in your environment are always reshaping you. They imperceptibly shift the sands in the desert of your existence.
But what will you do when the rains of major change arrive? When that rain persists to form rivers that make new plants bloom? Are you still a desert? Does it matter if you aren’t?
Change is overwhelming. It sparks fears of losing your identity amid the flux. But here's the good news: you can navigate change while still being true to yourself.
If you’re feeling adrift in the sea of change, seek an anchor. By doing so, you'll get insights you can act on. They will help you keep your core identity while embracing life's changes.
Understanding the Nature of Change
Change can stealthily alter our lives. But deliberately looking for change and seeing it as part of life makes it less scary.
Reflect on past changes and their outcomes. How many times in the past have you imagined that you are settled and done with change? Then it twists the path for you anyway. That turned out OK, didn’t it? Even if the transition is rough, the seas will always settle.
Distinguish between change you can control and what you cannot. Changes outside your control will always happen. Accept there’s nothing you can do other than react and adapt. Look carefully though. It's easy to shrug off all change (or lack thereof) as 'beyond your control.' But, in truth, there's plenty you might do about it with a healthy dose of courage.
Adopt a beginner's mindset; every change is an opportunity to grow. You win or you learn - the ultimate in positive framing. Even if the change is undesirable in the moment, seek the positives from it. How might you succeed in this new paradigm?
I have experienced a lot of change in my life, both voluntarily and involuntarily.
I had been to 5 different schools by the age of 11.
I became a parent in the midst of a global housing crash.
I relocated my family to a different continent.
The situations were tough. But, they helped me see change as a catalyst for personal growth, not an enemy.
This mindset shift is crucial. It transforms fear into curiosity, resistance into readiness.
Big Benefit: Acknowledging change is everywhere fosters adaptability and turns potential anxiety into action to move forward.
Identifying Your Core Values and Beliefs
In a world in constant motion, knowing what you stand for is the anchor for your identity. Holding onto these in the whirlwind of change is a great source of strength.
List your top three values and how they manifest in your life. This will require some deeper reflection. Often we don’t stop to understand what’s truly important to us. This TED Talk - Build Your Life With Your Values by Simon Sinek - is excellent if you need some help defining these.
Regularly revisit and reflect on these values. With your values in place you have a road map for life. Keep checking back in to see if the map has changed. What you value will adjust and change with your environment and priorities.
Align your actions and decisions with these core principles. For each decision you make check is against your roadmap and ask “Is this aligned with my values?”.
Big Benefit: Clarity in your values acts as a compass, guiding decisions and actions amidst uncertainty. Now you can see if your anxiety is from the change itself (manageable) or from a compromise of your values (which you should avoid).
When we moved our family to a different continent, our unwavering value was wanting diverse experiences for the children.
Choosing a path that aligned with this value felt right and also propelled me forward, reinforcing my sense of self.
4 years later we had opportunity to move again, to a different continent.
But, our core values had changed. After a rocky transition, I now valued stability and familiarity a lot more.
So we declined an opportunity that 4 years ago would have been appealing. Autopilot would have navigated us into trouble.
Recognizing that shift in values was critical to making the right decision.
Embracing Adaptability While Staying True to Yourself
Adaptability doesn't mean losing yourself; it means growing.
Others who haven’t seen you since a period of growth may be confused by how you’ve changes. But, if you stay true to yourself and avoid 'playing a role', you will always recognize yourself.
View adaptability as an addition, not a subtraction, to your identity. You should seek new experiences. You will learn and become the next you. This doesn’t require giving up any part of you collected on the journey so far.
Find balance between old and new aspects of your life. All the parts of your previous identity are still there. Staying connected with these will help you keep up with change. So, take time for it.
Use change as a tool for personal development. Once you feel sure in your identity, it frees you to choose and seek out places that foster the growth culture you want.
Big Benefit: Mastering adaptability lets you thrive in new places. You can do this without giving up your core values and identity. Your sense of self will always be yours - never let others tell you who you are.
I haven’t lived in Scotland since I was 10 years old, yet am still deeply connected with being Scottish as part of my identity.
Moving to England changed my accent. It made me easier to understand. But, I still sound unmistakably from north of the border.
Moving to the USA added new elements of confidence and optimism to my approach. Scots typically have more dour outlook on life.
“It's shite being Scottish!
We're the lowest of the low!
The scum of the fucking Earth!
The most wretched, miserable, servile, pathetic trash, that was shat into civilisation!
Some people hate the English, I don't! They're just wankers!
We, on the other hand, are colonised by wankers!
Can't even find a decent culture to be colonised by!
We're ruled by effete arseholes!
It's a shite state of affairs to be in Tommy,
and all the fresh air in the world won't make any fucking difference!”
Danny Boyle, Trainspotting.
I am happy to revel in the sunshine, even if there’s a nagging voice inside still telling me it’s probably about to rain.
My American-accented children have Scottish names. I still follow Scotland's soccer and rugby teams. They are always a reliable source of justified pessimism when stocks are running low.
My travels and experiences have enriched my identity, adding layers without erasing my origins.
The Harmony of Change and Self
Navigating change while keeping your sense of self intact is about balance. Change is inevitable. You must know who you are and what’s important to you. Then, you must use this knowledge to adapt without losing your essence.
It's about viewing change not as a storm to be weathered. The storm's winds can lift you high. Your core identity and values are the sails that guide you.
I enjoyed reading about your experiences and your perspective on navigating change.
The sentences that really stood out for me were - ‘The mindset shift is crucial. It transforms fear into curiosity, resistance into readiness.’
As a fellow Scot, I can’t say that I agree with the view that all Scottish people have a dour outlook on life. We have our moments! I lived down south for many years before choosing to move back to Scotland for my later years and have never regretted it. It’s interesting that you still feel deeply connected with being Scottish as part of your identity.